Feel Like Crap
So, I should be super excited or happy or whatever, but I’m not, because I’m incapable of being a human being.
I feel like I’m always messing things up. I don’t have to try. In fact, if I try to make things better, I end up making them worse. Sometimes I don’t, but far more often than not I do. Maybe I’m just a fool, and I’m fucking things up that no one else would, but fuck I wish I could do better.
The past who-knows-how many years I’ve been a fuckhead, messing it up more and more and more and more until it no longer seems salvageable. But then I’m suddenly forgiven of my shitty mess-ups and I’m skeptical because I know I don’t deserve it, because, fuck, I’ll mess up again soon and they know that too.